Hideous ATVs You Could Own Now

Every once in a while your ATV Connection editors have to stop the important things we’re doing (splitting atoms for example) to shake our proverbial heads at the craziness that passes for ATV classified ads of late.

The following are actual listings of junk piles that you could make your own for exuberant sums of cash. The headaches that are sure to follow come free of charge.

Specimen 1) Backyard Special Trike

Think about this- 3-wheelers created by giant Japanese corporations with years of experience and nice R&D budgets were deemed too dangerous for the public back in the day. We can only imagine what the CPSC would have to say about the handling and reliability of trikes designed in someone’s shed of equal parts steel and plywood.

The seller of this one says parts are easily available and span everything from genuine Harley Davidson components to some of Briggs and Stratton’s finest. We’re about to go out on a limb and suggest that the list should also include Home Depot’s lumbar yard.

Hope your handy if this thing ever needs work- we get the impression showing up at your local Harley dealer with this thing on the back of your truck is not a good way to make friends with customer service.

Specimen 2) ATC 70 Advil Edition

This next listing should consider literally coming with a bottle of Tylenol as one of the accessories. Not that we’re suggesting rims that should require a copy of your tetanus booster records mandatory and forks that may or may not contain fossils completely hopeless, the real kicker of this one is that the seller ends his description with the sentence: “Needs a little work to be rideable”.

Specimen 3) Honda TRX400EX (EEP) Extreme Evolution Package

This one may actually be marketable. Who in their right mind would pay $1500 for such a rolling disaster you ask? How about Honda’s engineers! This is literally a case study in everything possible with the perfect amount of neglect, abuse and optimism. We’re convinced even the individuals who designed and manufactured the 400EX have never seen this side of their beloved creation. After wiping away their tears, there is probably a lot that could be learned from studying this thing.

Specimen 4) Obamacare Special

Two custom designed and built trikes the same week on the same city’s Craiglist? Either this is an amazing coincidence or these things are way more common than any of us dare hope! Either way, this one has the distinction of offering up such luxuries as a mountain bike front tire, BMX grind pegs, a 212cc Polaris Predator motor and a child’s safety seat. Handling is said to mimic a Big Wheel on steroids. We just hope your insurance is paid up.

Specimen 5) The TRI-fecta

Well there’s the answer to our above question. Three custom built backyard trikes all appearing on the same Craigslist city within 2 days of each other. These things must be everywhere. The major selling point of this one is the volume of questions that come with it. Questions like why is the throttle cable seemingly connected to nothing? Do forks still slide when coated in red spray paint? How many belts can show through a set of rear tires and still hold air? What the hell happened to this guy’s siding?

Perhaps the most intriguing question of them all is this: “Trades accepted and price negotiable cause I want something different now”.. Where does one begin in selecting something of equal value? We have a few ideas but all of them should include at least one bottle of Tylenol.