On the short-list of phrases I like to hear before my morning tea, “Coyle, you are going to die,” isn’t near the top. But that’s exactly what my colleague Sullivan said when he learned I’d be attending Kawasaki’s demo for the Teryx4. Given the chance, who wouldn’t spend a day flogging a UTV at the Chappie-Shasta Off-Road Vehicle Area? I was pumped! So I took a deep breath and explained that try as we might, someday, we’re all going to die.

Sullivan was unfazed. “We sent Adrian on one of those things, and he nearly killed himself—Adrian.” He was referring to our buddy Adrian Harris, a crazy Australian bloke who’d just completed a three-month motorcycle trip through South America, completely with treacherous terrain, food poisoning and corrupt cops. This made me slightly less pumped. But a quick call to Kawasaki’s John Rall set me straight. There weren’t going to be any Travis Pastrana-style antics, we were just going to have a great time checking out some killer machines on some beautiful trails. I was in.

Driving Kawasaki's Teryx4 on the Gorgeous Trails of Mountain Shasta Driving Kawasaki's Teryx4 on the Gorgeous Trails of Mountain Shasta Driving Kawasaki's Teryx4 on the Gorgeous Trails of Mountain Shasta

After a quick breakfast at the hotel, we headed over to the off-road area, and the scenery on that drive alone could have qualified as a tour—this is some of the most gorgeous country in the Golden State. And as ATV Connection members know, the only thing that makes amazing country like this better are high-powered ATVs, and the new Teryx line was gassed up and ready to go.

As he walked me over to an orange Teryx4, Jon told me he was going to put me in the “grand piano,” and I was a little intimidated. At this point, I should probably mention that I’d never driven a UTV before. While I’ve owned a couple of street bikes—a cruiser and a crotch rocket—my experience with four-wheeled off-road machines was limited to some farm hooning in a battered ’70s Corolla wagon and a rock crawling demo I did, like, five years ago. But the Teryx couldn’t have been more welcoming.

Driving Kawasaki's Teryx4 on the Gorgeous Trails of Mountain Shasta Driving Kawasaki's Teryx4 on the Gorgeous Trails of Mountain Shasta Driving Kawasaki's Teryx4 on the Gorgeous Trails of Mountain Shasta

From the steering wheel, to the seatbelts, to the key start, to the shift-on-the-fly four-wheel drive switch on the dash, anyone even remotely familiar with a car will find the controls completely intuitive. I felt the same way about the Teryx’s “cabin”—there are doors, after all—as I did about the Lotus Elise’s. Basically, everything has the feel of very nice Fisher Price toy. All the really great bits are under the hood.

Motivation comes from a 749cc four-stroke V-twin, and to compensate for more passengers and heavier loads, the intake, heads and cam profiles were tweaked, which means power is up 15 percent over the two-seater. The engine is purpose-built for the Teryx, and doesn’t see duty in any of Kawasaki’s street bikes. To insure reliability, there’s a beefy radiator and big fan to keep the power plant cool, and the electronic fuel injection makes for easy starts without having to mess with a choke. While Jon was giving me the rundown, I have to admit I kept thinking about how fun it would be to terrorize a retirement community—the kind where everyone rolls around in golf carts—in one of these babies. I also kept picturing my 90-something grandmother rolling up to the Clubhouse and being like, “what up, y’all?”

Driving Kawasaki's Teryx4 on the Gorgeous Trails of Mountain Shasta Driving Kawasaki's Teryx4 on the Gorgeous Trails of Mountain Shasta Driving Kawasaki's Teryx4 on the Gorgeous Trails of Mountain Shasta

My lone concern with the specs of the Teryx? Three letters: CVT. Coming from an automotive background, there are few things I hate more than the continuously variable transmission. Generally speaking, it’s a abomination on par with the atomic bomb, Farmville or American Idol. And I don’t want to mention names here but Nissan—oops!—absolutely ruined the Maxima, Altima and Sentra by fitting them with these odious, fun-sapping pieces of garbage. That said, my fears about the Teryx’s “gearbox” were completely unfounded.

Our trip into the mountains took us along a trail which wound toward a vista at the top. As I did for most of the trip, I left the Teryx in two-wheel drive/high gear, and I thought the CVT performed beautifully. There was none of the hunting and pecking crap I’d experienced in road cars, and when I wanted to pound the gas to make the back end step out during the corners, there was no hesitation whatsoever. As expected, the V-twin made a proper noise, and the linear power delivery and crisp throttle response made driving the Teryx4 a joy. At one point, while I was getting sideways around a switchback—there was a bit of a drop—my passenger asked how this compared to other UTVs I’d driven. I replied that I’d never driven anything like this before. He got out at the next stop.

Driving Kawasaki's Teryx4 on the Gorgeous Trails of Mountain Shasta Driving Kawasaki's Teryx4 on the Gorgeous Trails of Mountain Shasta Driving Kawasaki's Teryx4 on the Gorgeous Trails of Mountain Shasta

My passenger’s lack of confidence was fortuitous, and the guy who dropped into the shotgun seat turned out to be Sky, one of the park rangers. He knew every inch of the trails we were traveling, and if he was concerned about my driving, it didn’t show. Most of his instruction entailed pointing out which bumps would get us airborne. Our ascent had been on relatively smooth trails, but as the day went on, we tackled some pretty treacherous terrain, and I was frankly amazed at how well the Teryx’s suspension handled it.

To be honest, I expected I’d feel beat up at the end of the day, like you’d feel after the first snowboarding trip of the season. But that wasn’t the case. At all. When transitioning from a “smooth” trail to a path filled with large rocks, there were obviously a couple of jolts, but after the transition, it’s almost like the suspension started to float over the obstacles. But this wasn’t an uncomfortable float, like the kind you’d get trying to take a ‘78 Fleetwood around a bend in the rain. It was an almost hovercraft-like feel which communicated the terrain without assaulting you with it. And the faster I went, the smoother things seemed to get. I’ve never experienced anything quite like it.

Driving Kawasaki's Teryx4 on the Gorgeous Trails of Mountain Shasta Driving Kawasaki's Teryx4 on the Gorgeous Trails of Mountain Shasta Driving Kawasaki's Teryx4 on the Gorgeous Trails of Mountain Shasta

Over the rest of the day, I took the Teryx4 down ferociously steep declines, across a snowy trail, and along a rocky creek bed and it never lost its composure. While I was driving through the stream, I actually forgot to switch it to four-wheel drive. It didn’t care. As I’ve said before, I don’t really have anything to compare it too, but I can say with certainty that bombing through Chappie-Shasta in a Teryx is some of the most fun you can have with your pants on, and I was bummed when we got back to the staging area—I could literally have kept doing this for weeks. Fortunately, the fantastic short ribs and bourbon Kawasaki treated me to after the ride took away some of the sting. Big time thanks to Jon and Agata from Kawasaki for showing me such a great time!

I’ve posted a bunch more photos from the trip over in a gallery on the forum, so head over and check it out! >>

When it comes to Kawasaki’s Teryx4 UTVs, we’re always eager for a good test run. Now imagine getting to spend a weekend shredding in one with the legendary Destry Abbott and then finding out the Teryx was yours to keep! Now stop imagining… Kawasaki is going to make precisely such a dream come true in their latest contest.

Off-Road racing champion Destry Abbott and his family will be taking one lucky family on an Ultimate Family Adventure through the mountains of Southern California in Kawasaki’s newest side x side, the Teryx4.

“The off-road rated Kawasaki Teryx4 is a great vehicle for the whole family.” said Kawasaki Marketing Communications Director Chris Brull. “With four seats, a family can go out on the trails, explore and enjoy everything the Teryx4 has to offer. The Ultimate Family Adventure will be an amazing experience for the winners as they explore Southern California with Abbott.”

The winner will receive a 2012 Kawasaki Teryx4 along with a trip for four to Lake Arrowhead, Calif. joining the Abbott family on an off-road adventure through the mountains of the San Bernardino National Forest. The family will spend July 21-24 on the trails and learning the capabilities of the Teryx4.

Four semi-finalist families will be chosen after essay submissions close on May 9. The public will be introduced to the semi-finalists from June 11 to June 29, where the public can vote for their favorite. The winner will be announced on July 9.

No purchase necessary to enter or win, nor will making a purchase increase your chances of winning. Contest entry submission begins on 4/11/12 and ends on 5/9/12.

All the details can be found here.