Labor Day Laughter: Be Glad These Aren’t Yours

It’s officially Labor Day and while the holiday itself dates back to the 1800s as a festival dedicated to the social and economic achievements of American workers, your ATV Connection editors are twisting things (as we so often do) to remind you that some ATVs require a bit more work than others to make whole again.

We present to you some of the more hopeless cases of ATVs from around the web that should read in their ad: “May need a little labor to be ride-able”. In some cases just to be recognizable.

2014 Suzuki LT500X:

For sale, 1 2014 Suzuki 500 in need of just about everything potentially flammable. Beautiful front and rear racks, hints of a handlebar and the aluminum rim off a GMC Sierra to distract you from the lack of engine also included. Act today and all the charcoal currently holding up the frame is yours- perfect for grilling or heating the house come winter.

2001 Polaris Project Quad:

For sale a Polaris Project quad that ran a little long. Bought a 2001 Polaris Magnum 325 in the hopes of restoring it for the wife in late 2005. Project was scheduled to be completed by early 2006 but somehow within the past decade, the parts accumulated have made any hope of completing the project null and void. In fact, I estimate there are now enough components to build four complete ATVs; one of which could potentially be a 2001 Polaris Magnum with Honda plastic. Recommend bringing dump truck for pickup.

Can-Am Experimental Crawler:

Here is your chance to own a one-of-a-kind ATV that resulted from a unique partnership between Can-Am’s R&D department and the partially obscured stump of an oak tree. I already did the hard part and installed the unique frame kink for you and flew fifteen feet into the foliage as a result. Steering takes a little getting used to and I’d recommend a good set of rack-mounted speakers to drown out the horrible sound of tire lugs rubbing on foot guard supports but otherwise it handles like a dream. I can say that in good conscious because as we all know, some of us have nightmares when we fall asleep. Also note that original factory warranty has been voided as a result of this modification.

Suzuki Reef Explorer:

While scouting film location for the sequel to Titanic, James Cameron’s own brother-in-law’s second cousin’s roommate happened upon this never-been-used 2002 Suzuki 1800cc VTX engine growing into the Great Barrier Reef. It could be used to make a stupid-fast ATV with a little creativity, some tarnish remover and a few kegs of beer. If you happen to find any pearls in the exhaust manifold, however, I’m going to have to ask that you ship those directly to me. Discount available for marine biologists. Bring proof of up-to-date tetanus records.

Tough Mudder:

Up for auction today is a the perfect ATV for the aspiring mudder. Bought new and adult-owned, this quad has what I would estimate to be only 45-minutes of run time on it (the hour meter doesn’t bother with anything less than an hour). Everything stock and I have a clean title in hand. Well, not exactly clean because it was in the tool compartment the first time I took it out mudding but it’s nothing that can’t be dried out and scraped clean. If I’m being honest the intake could use a little freshening up and the carburetor is encrusted in what looks like a miniature bee-hive of dried mud but otherwise, it’s ready-to-run. Trades for equally low-hour ATVs considered but only if they’ve never seen mud.