OFF TOPIC...VERY FUNNY STORY!
Nov 26, 2003 | 02:29 PM
#1
Thread Starter
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Elite Pro Rider
Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 6,136
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OFF TOPIC...VERY FUNNY STORY!
I found this story so funny that I had to share with all of you on the forum.[img]i/expressions/face-icon-small-happy.gif[/img]
Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable. No matter how
legitimate my excuse, I always get the feeling that my boss thinks I
'm lying.
On one recent occasion, I had a valid reason but lied anyway, because
the truth was just too darned humiliating. I simply mentioned that I had
sustained a head injury, and I hoped I would feel up to coming in the
next day. By then, I reasoned, I could think up a dozy to explain the
bandage on the top of my head.
The accident occurred mainly because I had given in to my wife's wishes
to adopt a cute little kitty. Initially, the new acquisition was no problem.
Then one morning, I was taking my shower after breakfast when I heard
my wife, Deb, call out to me from the kitchen. "Honey! The garbage
disposal is dead again. Please come reset it."
"You know where the button is," I protested through the shower pitter-patter
and steam. "Reset it yourself!"
"But I'm scared!" she persisted. "What if it starts going and sucks me in?"
There was a meaningful pause and then, "C'mon, it'll only take you a second."
So out I came, dripping wet and buck naked, hoping that my silent outraged
nudity would make a statement about how I perceived her behavior as
extremely cowardly. Sighing loudly, I squatted down and stuck my head
under the sink to find the button. It is the last action I remember performing.
It struck without warning, and without any respect to my circumstances.
No, it wasn't the hexed disposal, drawing me into its gnashing metal teeth.
It was our new kitty, who discovered the fascinating dangling objects she
spied hanging between my legs. She had been poised around the corner
and stalked me as I reached under the sink. And, at the precise moment
when I was most vulnerable, she leapt at the toys I unwittingly offered
and snagged them with her needle-like claws.
I lost all rational thought to control orderly bodily movements, blindly rising
at a violent rate of speed, with the full weight of a kitten hanging from my
masculine region. Wild animals are sometimes faced with a fight or flight
syndrome. Men, in this predicament, choose only the "flight" option.
I know this from experience... I was fleeing straight up into the air when
the sink and cabinet bluntly and forcefully impeded my ascent. The
impact knocked me out cold.
When I awoke, my wife and the paramedics stood over me. Now there
are not many things in this life worse than finding oneself lying on the
kitchen floor buck naked in front of a group of "been-here, done-that"
paramedics. Even worse, having been fully briefed by my wife,
the paramedics were all snorting loudly as they tried to conduct their
work, all the while trying to suppress their hysterical laughter.......
and not succeeding.
Somehow I lived through it all.
A few days later I finally made it back in to the office, where
colleagues tried to coax an explanation out of me about my head
injury. I kept silent, claiming it was too painful to talk about.
Which it was.
"What's the matter?" They all asked, "Cat got your tongue?"
If they only knew!
Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable. No matter how
legitimate my excuse, I always get the feeling that my boss thinks I
'm lying.
On one recent occasion, I had a valid reason but lied anyway, because
the truth was just too darned humiliating. I simply mentioned that I had
sustained a head injury, and I hoped I would feel up to coming in the
next day. By then, I reasoned, I could think up a dozy to explain the
bandage on the top of my head.
The accident occurred mainly because I had given in to my wife's wishes
to adopt a cute little kitty. Initially, the new acquisition was no problem.
Then one morning, I was taking my shower after breakfast when I heard
my wife, Deb, call out to me from the kitchen. "Honey! The garbage
disposal is dead again. Please come reset it."
"You know where the button is," I protested through the shower pitter-patter
and steam. "Reset it yourself!"
"But I'm scared!" she persisted. "What if it starts going and sucks me in?"
There was a meaningful pause and then, "C'mon, it'll only take you a second."
So out I came, dripping wet and buck naked, hoping that my silent outraged
nudity would make a statement about how I perceived her behavior as
extremely cowardly. Sighing loudly, I squatted down and stuck my head
under the sink to find the button. It is the last action I remember performing.
It struck without warning, and without any respect to my circumstances.
No, it wasn't the hexed disposal, drawing me into its gnashing metal teeth.
It was our new kitty, who discovered the fascinating dangling objects she
spied hanging between my legs. She had been poised around the corner
and stalked me as I reached under the sink. And, at the precise moment
when I was most vulnerable, she leapt at the toys I unwittingly offered
and snagged them with her needle-like claws.
I lost all rational thought to control orderly bodily movements, blindly rising
at a violent rate of speed, with the full weight of a kitten hanging from my
masculine region. Wild animals are sometimes faced with a fight or flight
syndrome. Men, in this predicament, choose only the "flight" option.
I know this from experience... I was fleeing straight up into the air when
the sink and cabinet bluntly and forcefully impeded my ascent. The
impact knocked me out cold.
When I awoke, my wife and the paramedics stood over me. Now there
are not many things in this life worse than finding oneself lying on the
kitchen floor buck naked in front of a group of "been-here, done-that"
paramedics. Even worse, having been fully briefed by my wife,
the paramedics were all snorting loudly as they tried to conduct their
work, all the while trying to suppress their hysterical laughter.......
and not succeeding.
Somehow I lived through it all.
A few days later I finally made it back in to the office, where
colleagues tried to coax an explanation out of me about my head
injury. I kept silent, claiming it was too painful to talk about.
Which it was.
"What's the matter?" They all asked, "Cat got your tongue?"
If they only knew!
Nov 26, 2003 | 03:52 PM
#7
Pro Rider
Joined: Dec 1999
Posts: 1,114
Likes: 0
OFF TOPIC...VERY FUNNY STORY!
That's the funniest thing I have heard in a long time. Sorry about the jewels dude but thanks for sharing your humiliation in the name of good humor. Awesome!
~HoundDog
~HoundDog
