OK.........You long time guys will remember this, but I had to bring it back up to show the Capn' that we haven't forgotten who he is.........plus I didn't want to post this in a topic relating to other things.


Captain Carl's Racing Handbook and Personal Tribune that he sells at the tracks that no one attends for $10.00


It all started when I dominated the backyard circuit on an ATC70. I got the respect that only the top riders in the world received at the time. Soon after that, I was getting factory ride offers from all the major manufacturers. kasea offered me a superdeal and I took it. I then went on to smoke the competition in the indoor series at the local HighSchool Gym. I was the envy of every guy in the county.

I was on top in the mini quad ranks and Gary Denton feared that I would turn Pro sooner than expected so he retired earlier than he should have just to avoid me at all costs.

What I wouldn't do to be a fly on the wall in his race trailer when he told his boss that he would not be able to stop the countryboy and his kasea if I entered the pro class the next season.

After 6 months of intense training with Team kasea, I took a deal with the local chainsaw shop and raced a bone stock 250R in all the Mid South ArenaCross races for 4 years. To say that I smoked the competition would be an understatement.

There are some that say....."I have never heard of you".

Well, I get that all the time, but just ask the Pro guys. They know me but are just scared to admit it to others. They are afraid that I will expose my racing secrets to the rest of the racing world if they expose me.

How did I become so fast you ask?? That's not important. What is important is that you to can be as awesome as I was and even better by simply following my every command. It's easy, affordable and more importantly,....my electricity will remain turned on.

My race program consists of 10 easy to learn steps that will propell you directly into the back of a factory team semi!!!! My current race team uses these techniques time and time again with continuous success!!

[1] Run the most illegal engine that you can without looking suspicious

[2] Eat a good breakfast on race day

[3] Learn the sparkplug cap location on your competitors ATVs

[4] How to infiltrate your competitors pit area without being detected

[5] How to make an illegal pass appear legal

[6] What not to do between motos

[7] What you should do between motos

[8] How to make a fraudulant protest on the winner's ATV

[9] Learn how to hack the promoter's website and make points changes

[10] What to do if you end up dead last [Also see Chapter7..dispute with flagman]


Here's what the Pros have to say about me....

Tim Farr...."weren't you the guy banned from the track last year?"

Doug Gust...."I didn't know kasea had a race team."

Kory Ellis...."Aren't you the guy who works at the wash rack?"

As you can clearly see, no one even let's on to my existance in fear that I may expose the same secrets that I passed on to them in the beginning of their careers.

If you aren't happy with this racing manual and feel that your riding skills haven't improved, I will refund you the total price with no questions asked.

If you want to return this manual, just send it back to me at my other address on the back page. If that comes back to you saying that the address doesn't exist, just call me. If my phone is cut off, just give it to someone else at the track and they will return it to me.

 

you forgot to talk about his engine coatings and his boyfriend james who is the best racer in all of the U.S.

 

lmao

 

now thats some funny stuff!!! LMAO [img]i/expressions/face-icon-small-happy.gif[/img]

 

My side is hurting.

9] Learn how to hack the promoter's website and make points changes....omg..LOL

Thanks for bringing that up....I needed a good laugh!

Very creative!

JMiller

 

Here is a picture of Cap'n Crunch's "Team Semi"...just for those of you who are intrested.
Buy his book and you could pull up to all the National Races in this!!!

 

Ward, That is hilarious!
Could you picture that thing rolling down the interstate with "Team Chaos" logos on the side.....LMFAO!!!!

Sandraggen,
Thanks. I remember when I originally wrote this, and proofread it before posting it up, that I laughed quite a while about the "hacking for points" bit.

 

want to be a funny guy huh? do you not have anything better to do than drag someones name through the mud for your benefit? i am not going to get into an argument with you. i want you to apologize to me publicly, right here, right now. i have way too much to do than keep an eye out for what you saying behind my back all during the day. i saw this post when i got up this morning and figured it would be deleted by now. i have made sure that i have the time to check back on it later tonight. you have until midnight to buk up and apologize to me. if you do not, trust me, you will wish you had. i have tried to be as straightforward as i can without looking like a jacka$$. you have gone to far this time.

 

Captaintard, Instead of saying I'm going to sue, I'm going to call my mommy, why don't you respond to some of the allegations with facts. I am not one to talk trash about someone or bash or anything like that but in my opinion you brought alot of this on yourself. I mean what you said about enginecoatings SERIOUSLY NOW!! A little while back this fella was talkin smack on here and some people called his bluff. The guy bucked up, admitted he was wrong and earned my respect and prob. others on here as well. IMHO something along these lines would benefit you. But truthfully I and I doubt anyone else thinks you will. It may be too late for you.

 

CaptainCrackhead,

You are too much. What happens at midnight?

Do you turn into a werewolf or something?

Wait all you want.........