Ways NOT to get your *** kicked while in the south.

1. Don't fake a Southern accent. This will
incite a riot, and you will get your *** kicked.

2. Don'torder filet mignon or pasta primavera at Waffle House. It's just a diner.
They serve breakfast 24 hours a day. Let them cook something they know. If
you confuse them, they'll kick your ***.

3. We are fully aware of how high the humidity is, so shut the hell up.
Just spend your
money and get the hell out of here, or we'll kick your
***.

4. Don't order a bottle of pop or a can of soda down
here. Down here it's called Coke. Nobody gives a flying rat's *** whether
it's Pepsi, RC, Dr. Pepper, 7-Up or whatever... it's still a Coke. Accept
it. Doing otherwise can lead to an *** kicking.

5. We know our heritage. Most of us are more literate than you
(e.g.Welty,>Williams, Faulkner). We are also better educated
and generally a lot nicer. Don't refer to us as a bunch of hillbillies
or we'll kick your ***.

6. We have plenty of business sense (e.g., Fred Smith of Fed
Ex, Sam >Walton, Oprah, Turner Broadcasting, MTV, Netscape). Naturally,
we do, sometimes, have small lapses in judgment, if you keep reminding us
of the fact we will kick your ***.

7. Don't laugh at our
Civil War monuments. If Lee had listened to Longstreet and flanked Meade
at Gettysburg instead of sending Pickett up the middle, you'd be paying
taxes to Richmond instead of Washington. If you visit Stone Mountain and
complain about the carving, we'll kick your ***.

8. Don't laugh at our Southern names (Merleen, Luther, Tammy Lynn, Inez, Billy Joe,
Sissy, Clovis, etc.) or we will just HAVE to kick your ***.

9. Don't order wheat toast at Cracker Barrel. Everyone will
instantly know that you're a Yankee. Eat your biscuits like God intended
with gravy. And don't put sugar on your grits, or we'll kick your ***.

10. Don't talk about how much better things are at home
because we know better. Many of us have visited Northern hellholes like
Detroit, Chicago, and DC, and we have the scars to prove it. If you don't
like it here, Delta or US Airways is ready when you are. Move your *** on
home before it gets kicked.

11. Yes, we know how to speak
proper English. We talk this way because we don't want to sound like you.
We don't care if you don't understand what we are saying. All other
Southerners understand what we are saying, and that's all that matters.
Now, go away and leave us alone, or we'll kick your ***.

12.
Don't complain that the South is dirty and polluted. None of OUR lakes or
rivers have caught fire recently. If you whine about OUR scenic beauty,
we'll kick your *** all the way back to Boston Harbor.

13.
Don't ridicule our Southern manners. We say sir and ma'am. We hold doors
open for others. We offer our seats to old folks because such things are
expected of civilized people. Behave yourselves around our sweet little
gray-haired grandmothers or they'll kick some manners into your *** just
like they did ours.

14. So you think we're quaint, or
losers, because most of us live in the countryside? That's because we have
enough sense to not live in filthy, smelly, crime infested cesspools like
New York, Baltimore or Boston. Make fun of our fresh air, and we'll kick
your ***.

15. Last, but not least, DO NOT DARE to come down here and tell us how to
cook barbecue. This will get your *** shot (right
after it is kicked). You're lucky we let you come down here at all.
Criticize our barbecue, and you will go home in a pine box...minus your
***.

Really thought this was a funny one.

Peace to all
Scaboy

 

good thanksgiving joke...

So Have you ever wondered what would happen if the pilgrims didnt kill a turkey? Say they were to kill a cat.. We would all be eating cat for thanksgiving..

 

Agreed.

peace
scaboy

 

gotta love it. [img]i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif[/img]

 

I think I might use that for all the N.Y. and N.J. people invading our area. I'll only have to change a couple words. j/k

 

mmmm Cracker Barrel havn't been there for years.

 

Hey, Scaboy. ... Guess what ! (go to the yamaha forum)

 

thats funny, chicago....scars to prove it.....hahaha, its not that bad, I get along with them, maybe cause I am one...oh well.
Funny joke though[img]i/expressions/face-icon-small-happy.gif[/img]

 

Its not really like that here in the south, I came down to the south back in 1991 and have been here since and nobody has given me any problems because I was from the north (U.P. of MI) and also west coast (CA). Everyone down here is friendly and polite, and I have hung with, worked, lived, and partied with all sorts of people throughout my life.....from rednecks and country folks to stock brokers and lawyers to hippie liberals and bros from the hood.....treat people with respect and respect will be given both ways...

With that in mind....here are some translations...all done in fun...

PoBoy sandwich = Hoggie sandwich
fixin' ....often used in a sentence like "Im fixin to come over there".....fixin' means "about" or "going to"
Coke = Pop, Soda....Like scaboy said, coke down here is a generic term meant for any carbonated drink.
dawg = dog
yonder = over there
Almost any word with an "a" on the end you can drop the "a" and replace it with an "er"...i.e. China = Chiner, banana = bananer, idea = ider, etc, etc....
Sana Clause = Santa Clause
Yankee is someone from the north who is visiting the south, a d@mn yankee is a northern who came to the south and stayed.
One last thing, it was not the Civil War....it was the War of Northern Aggression.

 

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