hey wing,

try to get the kids therapy alone, togther and with you.. it really helps them sort their feeling and open up to you about what they are scared of and concerns...my little brother and sister did this whenmy family got divorced and it was great for them.

let were concerned they were gonna have a new dad and crap like that...try it


therapy doesnt mean there is something wrong.. it is a gate way for communication.

 

Scoundel.........I'm not giving up believe me. The prob is that my wife has it on fast track. I havn't told every last detail but believe me when I tell you if you saw her demeaner you would understand. In Vegas, you can get divorced almost immediatly. I begged her for a seperation, counceling etc,etc.....she wasn't hearing it. I don't know that I could ever forgive her though. The pain she has inflicted on me and my children is un-holy. I know that I'm not the only person this has happened to. When this does happen, it feels as if you are the only person that has ever been crushed like this. I know the good book and my Catholic upbringing say other wise and we should forgive.....and to forgive is to forget. I also remember studying the ten commandments in c.c.d. and she broke quite a few of those....

 

Craig call my cell, Im up chillin.

 

“When we know to read our own hearts, we acquire wisdom of the hearts of others.”

 

True that, and we all know what happens to those who go to bed with itchy bunghole (good ole confusus lol).


I hope and think that our support is deffinately a help for wingnut, and from what he is telling us about his wifes actions he not only needs the support but putting some of the ideas of what to expect when things get ugly sounds like it should be really helpful as well.

Wingnut I dont really know you well excpet for the times we have posted in the same threads etc (and I figure you think the same etc) but I have to be honest with you that from what your telling us you may need to start thinking about "yourself" and your kids and whats best for your future relationship with them, and what you need to do for "damage control" to your financial condition and future, and put a little less thought into saving the relationship etc.

I know some may not agree with that (thats cool too) but unless you are 100% misreading your wife it seems its time to start getting preparred for the all the issues that your going to face in a divorce. Protecting your children as best you can is good and something I think we all would put as a priority (also good therapy in a tough time), but please for your own sake get all the legal issues in line so that you can be preparred and not get blind sided when you find out your future ex had been planning this for a while and already knows the "ropes" and how to make things appear different than they truely are and work to her advantage.

I am not an attorney (came damn close though lol) but have seen enough of the ways a heartless and unethical one can create a total hostile environment that puts husband and wife at war with each other trying to find ways to create a totally unbalanced and unfair outcome that only benefits the attorney in the long run.

Only you know what your truely up against, and only you are able to make the decisions and changes that can help you in the long run.

 

As much as it disturbs me to agree with 440EX026 I must do so. You must stay focused on your kids and yourself. You EX will soon self destruct and either make a complete mess out of her life or return in an attempt to reconcile. Half of you mind must pursue legal procedures while the other half works on your misgivings and the mental stability of your children.

Everyone here has gives heart felt advise based on what they perceived as a similar experience. However nobody really know what your mind set is and most importantly what your Ex-wifes mind set was prior to dropping the bomb on you. I'm very sure she would have allot to add to this conversation.

One thing I learned thru my first 10 years of marriage was that I just could not figure out what she was thinking, it made no sense to me. What I have learned in the second 10 years of marriage is to stop trying.

Craig, you may very well never reconcile this marriage but in all honesty it took something missing in the marriage to cause it to crumble. You need to honestly look at yourself and evaluate your relationship skills, not because perhaps there is a chance with your EX but rather in hopes of warding off a similar problem in the event you become involved with another marital prospect. This is where counseling becomes very important in your rehabilitation and peace of mind. A good counselor will do wonders for your confidence as well as help with minimizing the impact to the children.

This issue has been gone full circle especially since we are only hearing your side of the story. There is really nothing more any of us can do other then pray and be an ear for you to express your hurt, fears, hopes and successes.


That's my final 2 cents.

“You can have anything you want if you will give up the belief that you can't have it.”

 

w1ngnut,

There will be a point, after the lawyer stage, that hopefully you and your EX will reach a happy medium. Sometimes it takes a year, and sometimes it takes longer. Whatever that happy medium is for you two ... it is what it is. I can promise you that it will never feel quite right. Not quite enough, but at least everyone is happier. This is what I meant in my poem when I said, " So here I am, with love inside that never ceases, it’s like a warm breezy day, without a kite. It’s the kind that hopelessly tries, but never pleases." You wont quite please anybody. That includes your aunt, your parents, your neighbors, and your friends. But you can make it, over time, at least bearable when it comes to your family. My hope is that when the kids grow up, I can see them more, and they can re-learn who thier dad really is. I think my son already knows some of that. You might think of ways that your kids can remember you by giving them something that tells them who you are, and how you feel about them. I wrote my son and daughter a poem a few years ago, and they each have a copy that their mother let them put in thier room. My son talks about it once in a while when we visit. Things like that will help them a great deal. My EX and I have made a habbit of me visiting them at thier house on Christmas eve. Just me, my EX and the kids. I spend the whole evening there. Man that feels good when I visit them. And I am happy my EX doesnt rage then, pretty much the only time that she doesnt. She even asks her Mom (who is the most vile, evil person on the earth) to leave. For a moment in time, its almost as if we were together again. Reality sets in after a few hours, and I realize that I've been granted the experience at my EX wife's permission - But I am ok with that. The kids show me things in thier rooms; toys, computer games, dolls, everything! My hope is that I can have more visits like that - certainly, I'll try more. Its visits like those that make my life better, and thier life better as well.

There were a few times in our marriage that were close to the happiness of those Christmas visits, but not many. Knowing that, helps me understand that our decision to divorce was probably the best for everyone.... in the long run. My EX and I havent had a fight for nearly four years. We have had a few legal battles since then, but they havent been too bad, certainly it never came to shouting matches.

I know it seems like its all over. But trust me, there are better times ahead. When you feel you need an escape, go ride your quad, spend some time with loyal friends, and develop a weekly routine with them. Have a group of guys come over and play cards once a week. Remember, you'll be battleing for sure over the next year, give yourself some time to rest from it once in a while.

 

Craig,

When you need an escape - give Mario a call, have him call some pigs over and have a good night. You really can't go wrong doing that.

Not to mention Mario is constantly heading over to Dumont - I'm sure you couple make it out on a few of those trips to clear your head and get some sand in your hair. Then when you're kicking the *** end of the quad out to the side creating a huge roost at the top of a dune - enjoy it.

 

Its the Grand opening of Scores tonight. 10 pm...........let me know...


Chris, You know Im not that wild of a guy!!![img]i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif[/img] Im just a very timid shy type of dude....lmao

 

Craig... When it came to my daughter I always set aside wednesday nights for her, we would always go out to dinner. That way she and I had one day a week to look forward to...now that she is grown and on her own we still call each other on wednesday nights. I had weekends to but wednesdays were just ours...I think that kept me sane through the whole process[img]i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif[/img]