I have noticed how the “off topic” posts receive many replies, most with great advise. Well I guess it is my turn. My 12 year son has been I M’ing someone for the past week or so. Every time I walk in his room he minimizes the screen until I leave. Being almost a teenager I respect his privacy to an extent. Saturday night he was on IM at 1:30 am. I made him get off; I did see some hearts next to a name before he closed it out. Every time he is on the computer he is IM’ing this person, and this person always seems to be on.

I asked him who’s the girl he has been talking to. He said she was from Alaska. I have told him the dangers of talking to people he don’t know on line.
My Mom taped an Oprah show that had these pedophiles that manipulate these kids into doing things. I watched this show and was shocked on who these pedophiles are, and how they work. These pedophiles that they caught were all professional type people and know how to suck these kids in. They mostly go after kids with web cams. We don’t have a web cam but my wife was looking on her digital camera and she found some pics my boy took of himself, just normal head shots, but I can only assume he sent them to this person.

The wife wants him off the computer, I want to handle this the best way I can. It could possibly be a simple harmless “chat” but after seeing that program I have large concerns .

Like I have said, we have talked to him about talking to strangers on line, he even saw the Oprah program.
I am open for any suggestions

I am glad I only have 1 kid.

 

My wife has my daughters set up so she can only chat with her
immediate friends.I do not know how she did it but i will ask when she
gets home on fri.My daughter also knows that if she changes any settings
all privliges to the computer will be taken away.I know that that sounds
strict but its MY daughter im protecting to the best of my abilitys.When
she is exibits the maturity to make safe decisions she can have more say
in the matter.Good luck.

 

I guess it depends on how concerned you are and how willing you are invade his privacy. There are programs out there that can track every keystroke on your computer. That may be a gross violation of his privacy but that is where your concern must be measured. Now if I had a son I don't think that would be a measure that I would take, but there are some circumstances where it may be justified... like if I had a daughter. J/K

I really don't think this type thing is an option for dealing with your kids. Trust is a major factor in a father son relationship and to violate that trust could be devastating during a youngsters upbringing. I think the best option is open communication based on trust... and if that doesn't work threaten his life. Fear is a strong motivator. At 13 I was as big as my pop, and by 15 I was 5 inches taller and weighed almost 100lbs more... but I would never want to fight the old man... he's smarter and craftier than I'll ever be.

But really just talk to him express your concerns and ask that he use his head when making any decision. He'll get it right. That fact that his mom and pop are involved and concered will compell him do the right thing.

 

Hey BW.. Best of luck with your situation. Things are deffinitely not the same as they were when we were growing up. I feel for all your parents these days.

I will say that it surprises me what some people do. I interview a guy a few weeks ago for a position in my plant and he had an impressive resume and we had a fantastic interview. Two additional interviews later, one of which I brought my area manager in to meet this guy, I brought him in for a UA test and backround check and he confided to me that he was recently busted for "luring a minor" on the internet. FEDERAL OFFENSE... This guy is going down. I would have never thought it in a million years.. not someone that you would think that would fit the profile.

Its harder and harder to protect your children, so if you offend your child in order to protect them, so be it. Thats your Job. They wont understand at first and if it turns out to be simple puppy love with a girl, you can always make it up to him.

JP

 

Wayne- I can relate I have an 11 year old that I watch like a HAWK.. I wouldnt let him get on line though even if he wanted.


My advice would be that you can NEVER be too carefull.. It could possibly be a wierdo, I too saw that program type on dateline. I was SHOCKED to see how sick these people are. IMO they need to be shot on the spot.


Possible resolution- I would have a serious man to man talk with your son and tell him if he is interested in chicks (tell him you understand) And he might as well find a girl locally his age that he can meet face to face when YOU say he is old enough .. He is too young to have a long distance relationship/friendship with an unknown. Tell him he might not ever see the girl so why create a friendship and potential future let down?


When the chicks come cruzin around the house for my son he jumps on his pitbike and rides by them and says hello(LOL). I let him show off a bit but I still creep on him to make sure he is being safe and a gentleman. I recently caught an older kid (14) talking about girls to my son in front of my house, He was trying to give my son advice. I scolded the kid and told him to keep his ways and thoughts to himself and he never came back. If I wouldnt have been checking up on him every 5 mins this kid could have really been a bad influence or gave my son a bad outlook on girls. I heard what he was saying to my son about the neighbor girl, He was trying to tell my son to "dropp the mack" on her.. Its a hard postition to be in because you cant tell your boy to go after the chicks, and you cant tell him NOT too either.jmo


Look up Zig ziglar, There is a 5 pack cd that is called "raising positive kids in a negative world" It has all the answers you need and then some. The guy is a genious and his ways have worked for me.

 

Big Wayne, while I dont have kids that age, I still believe your his parent first, and friend second. Trust is a big issue, but if he dont trust you would be ok with him doing what he is doing online, he wouldnt try and hide it from you. I would stop it in its infancy. There is lots of good people on the internet, but lots of bad people too. Until he is old enough to decipher between the two, its up to you to make that decision. Good luck.

 

privacy is good for the bathroom beyond that he is 12 and needs you to be there for him even if he doesn't like what your doing, but since your the parent you do know best. best not to get to close to fire, and those freaks on line are worse than fire, i'd get him off line.

 

My kids are grown, thank God. To me the fix seems simple. Just take the computer out of the bedroom and put it in a more public place like a den. The more resistance there is to it, the more chance there is something going on he wants to hide. The family is a unit, not seperate people living under the same roof. Be the parent, be the Dad, be the leader.

 

Wayne, I know your a great father... This info will help you and alot of other families on here who havnt found this fellow.


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Locally, we have a tv commercial that says "Trust is doing what you are supposed to be doing, when no one is watching".
Your son may not be doing anything wrong, as he may just be somewhat embarrased as to the content if the IMs. Either way, I feel that it is your obligation as a parent to monitor and guide him in a proper manor. That's your job. If that includes a key logging program, then so be it. I would rather see you be a bit overly strict, than take for granted that all is ok, and possibly regret it later on.
I totally agree with EasyQuader (and Dr Phil) as to the relocation of the computer into a common room of the house.