I wish i had that kinda luck [img]i/expressions/face-icon-small-happy.gif[/img]. yfzInsanity, glad your trying to keep the bashing to a minimum.

 

The Hamster Show

A guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender if he will give him a free beer if he shows him something amazing. The bartender agrees, so the guys pulls out a hamster, who begins dancing and singing "Tuff Enuff" by the Fabulous Thunderbirds.
"That IS amazing!" says the bartender and gives the guy his free beer.

"If I show you something else amazing, will you give me another beer?" The bartender agrees, so the guy pulls out a small piano and a hamster and a frog. Now the hamster plays the piano while the frog dances and sings "You Ain't Seen Nothing Yet" by Bachman-Turner Overdrive.

The bartender, completely wowed, gives him another beer. A man in a suit, who's been watching the entire time, offers to buy the frog for a princely sum, which the man agrees to.

"Are you nuts?" asks the bartender. "You could've made a fortune off that frog."

"Can you keep a secret?" asks the man. "The hamster's a ventriloquist."

 

LMFAO!!!!!!

 

Justin Timberlake has filed a complaint aginst Janet Jackson over the recent "wardrobe malfunction" saying that it has caused him a great deal of distress and embarrassment saying she used him to promote her new album........
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second time in the past few months that a Jackson has taken advantage of a young boy.

 

These are great, I have to remember them so i can tell the guys at work tomorrow...

Keep them and coming!

 

Bill Gates Buys Some Lovin'

Bill Gates meets Hugh Grant at a Hollywood party. They are talking and Bill says: "I've seen some great pictures of Divine Brown lately, I sure would like to get together with her!"
Hugh replies: "Well Bill, you know ever since our incident, her price has skyrocketed, she's charging a small fortune."

Bill: "Hugh, money's no object to me. What's her number." So, Hugh gives Bill her number and Bill sets up a date.

They meet & after they finish, Bill is lying there in ecstasy, mumbling "God...now I know why you chose the name Divine."

To which she replies: "Thank you, Bill.....and now I know how you chose the name ..... Microsoft."

 

LMAO[img]i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif[/img]

 

Come on someone has to have some more jokes ?

 

A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in he glanced up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon realized she was heading straight toward his seat. As fate
would have it, she took the seat right next to his.

Eager to strike up a conversation he blurted out, "Business trip or
pleasure." She turned, smiled and said, "Business. I'm going to the Annual Nymphomaniacs of America Convention in Chicago."

Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, "What's your
business role at this convention?"

"Lecturer," she responded. "I am the lead lecturer where I use
information that I have learned from my own personal experiences to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality."

"Really?" he said "and what kind of myths are there?"

"Well," she explained, "one popular myth is that African American men are the most well endowed of all men when in fact it is the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait.

Another popular myth is that Frenchmen are the best lovers, when
actually it is the men of Jewish descent are the best. I have also
discovered that the lover with the absolutely best stamina is the Southern Redneck."

Feeling a little uncomfortable, she said... "I'm sorry, I shouldn't be discussing these things with you, I don't even know your name"..............



"Tonto", the man said, "Tonto Goldstein. But my friends call me Bubba".

 

This is the actual radio conversation of a US naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October 1995. Radio conversation released by the chief of naval operations, 10-10-95.



CANADIANS: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the south to avoid a collision.



AMERICANS: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the north to avoid a collision.



CANADIANS: Negative. You will have to divert your course 15 degrees to the south to avoid a collision.



AMERICANS: This is the captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.



CANADIANS: No, I say again, you divert YOUR course.



AMERICANS: This is the Aircraft Carrier US LINCOLN, the second largest ship in the United States Atlantic Fleet. We are accompanied with three Destroyers, three Cruisers and numerous support vessels. I DEMAND that you change your course 15 degrees north. I say again, that's one-five degrees north, or counter-measures will be undertaken to ensure the safety of this ship.



CANADIANS: This is a lighthouse. Your call.









BTW this is a joke and never really happened.