Is Dr. Phil stealing my ideas again? If it isn't him, it's that Jim Dobson guy focusing on the family.

 

I have a 15 year old. Please allow the advice of someone older than dirt. The very best advice I EVER received is this.

As a parent your job is not to give your kid everythinbg you didn't have and it most certainly is not to make him happy. Your job is to prepare that child for adulthood. Do what it takes to accomplish that.

You're concerned and have talked to him...that's good, but a question comes to mind. Why is your 12 year old up at 1:30 in the morning?

Move his computer out in the open where you and your wife see the screen every time you walk by. If you catch him minimizing his screen as you walk by, restrict his use to homework for a few days. If he ignores you. Cancel your web service. Until your kids are out of your house, raising them is THE most important thing you you do. You've already shown you care by reaching out and that is certainly a lot more than many do these days. Good on you.

Trust, trust...is earned. Right now and until he leaves your home he wants your attention, guidance, and limits. Make no mistake, he will get that attention one way or aother.

Remember, it is ALWAYS easier to start off with a tight reign and loosen up, than it is to start loose and try to tighten when he doesn't do it your way. Don't believe me. Think about how you were at 16 or 17. Your son will be there sooner than you think. Talk it over with your wife, set limits and stick by your guns - together. Loosen up only when he shows he's ready. He will test you so be prepared and tighten back up enough so that he knows you are serious.

This is your son. Think of how you would feel if anything were to happen. You'd never forgive yourself. Do whatever is required. Daily we read about some kid that was victimzed by someone posing as a kid on the internet. You can't be too protective in that area. Please allow a personal story concerning my wife. She had an older brother. When he was eight he was hit by a car at the school bus stop and killed. Guess what, that day was the ONLY day my wife's mother wasn't there to meet him at the bus stop. She carried that burden to her grave. Then my wife's father blamed her mother for not being at the bus stop. The mother turned to the bottle. There was more tension in that family than in a ***** house on Sunday morning.

Rasing a child is not an encounter group session. You are the parent. Give them all the tools they need, set limits and be firm about those limits, keep them busy as hell, tell them often you love them, tell you wife you love her and do it in front of your kids, then get out of the way. They'll do right by you. Count on it. Look around. You're so far ahead of the game compared to others...and that's a good thing.

 

He is only twelve. You had better establish yourself as the father now because it won't be easier when he is fifteen. Your metal is going to be tested.I am not saying to be a heavy handed controal freak. You have been down the road he is walking in, lead him and guide him because you love him.

 

Thanks for all the advise everybody. Just when you get one stage in their life figured out, they enter another.
He wasn't on the computer yesterday because of after school activitys. We have a great father and son relationship, so I think I can handle this situation. I just didn't want to go about it the wrong way.
Mario, I will see what I can find on Zig ziglar.
I can tell the teenage years are going to be fun.

 

Good Luck Wayne. It will be my honor to meet you one day. Keep it real. [img]i/expressions/face-icon-small-wink.gif[/img]

 

Hey man, good luck with this. I am not far from these kinds of situations, and I to will be checking out the zig guy. Good Luck, and I do hope it is just harmless flirting with a real person...

 

I Dont know about you all, but I can watch my sons progress and daily grades ONLINE.. It is GREAT... I can even call his teachers and can get them on the phone at anytime during the day.



Like Zig says "the biggest con artists walking the earth are between the ages of 6-11 yrs old"


I brought this point up because I just caught my son lieing about one of his homework assignments last night. What a weasle (His teacher told me he was daydreaming in class)... LOL.. You have to stay on top like white on rice.. Some kids are just perfect in school and are not as social. Its hard work, but instilling morals when their young is a must. Even though my kid gets A's B's and C's I still have to watch him closely. Some would call me an azz, But My son is now on restriction for 2 weeks and all his shoes will be taken and he will have to wear an old pair just for lieing about a homework assignment.


Let me know how it goes Wayne.

 

Man, you took his kicks... thats cold. LOL What a great punishment though. Old and busted shoes = no girls. Thats hilarious. ROTFLMAO

 

Wow, a shoe punishment.....I love it. I will have to use that one on my daughter. Talk about the end of the world [img]i/expressions/face-icon-small-wink.gif[/img]

 

LOL, Hes has a GANG of shoes he likes to showcase... All them new DCs, Etnies, etc. He loves shoes. His teacher told me that during a test he was looking around at everyone off in space kinda, SO now he can worry about everyone looking at his lawnmowing **** shoes..LMAO


The great thing about this matter is that the teacher was telling me this stuff while he was sitting next to my son in class!!! So he will have to go about the day knowing he is in deep chit. Maybe he will pay attention a little more[img]i/expressions/face-icon-small-wink.gif[/img]