Does anyone know how to read this thing for sure?

 

While sitting on a flat surface, start and let run (idle) for 5 minutes, then shut off. Wait about a minute, then pull dipstick, wipe it off, and stick it back in hole BUT DO NOT SCREW IT BACK IN. Pull it back off, and the oil level should be between the 2 marks. If it is, you are OK. If it is low, or very close to the lower mark, then add some in to bring it somewhere in the middle to top half of the marks.

Screwing the dipstick in will cause an inaccurate reading, as will checking it without letting it idle. Letting it idle makes sure that the oil is pumping through the motor and transmission (remember, they share the oil), and that it hasn't all drained back into the reservoir while sitting overnight. Also, don't make the mistake of taking out the dipstick or oil fill cap while the motor is still running! Don't ask, and I won't tell....