OK, I was on another ATV website when I ran across this story. Not many things make me actually laugh out loud, but this story did. Not really news, but it was submitted by a female ATV enthusiast.



Enjoy!



Never wax your hoo ha!!!



All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises of easy, painless removal - The Epilady' scissors' razors' Nair and now... the wax.

Read on....

My night began as any other normal weeknight. Came home, fix dinner, play with kids. I then had the thought that would ring painfully in my mind for the next few hours:
"Maybe I should pull the waxing kit out of the medicine cabinet." So I headed to the site of my demise: the bathroom. It was one of those 'cold wax' kits. No melting a clump of hot wax' you just rub the strips together in your hand, they get warm and you peel then apart and press them to your leg (or wherever else) and you pull the hair right off.
No muss, no fuss. How hard can it be?

I mean, I'm not a genius, but I am mechanically inclined enough to figure this out. (YA THINK!?!)

So I pull one of the thin strips out. Its two strips facing each other stuck together. Instead of rubbing them together, my genius kicks in so I get out the hair dryer and heat it to 100 degrees. ('Cold wax,' yeah...right!) I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the skin around it tight and pull. It works! OK, so it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too bad. I can do this! Hair removal no longer Eludes me! I am She-rah, fighter of all wayward body hair and next wax strip I move north. After checking on the kids, I sneak back into the bathroom, for the ultimate hair fighting championship and place one foot on the toilet. Using the same procedure, I apply the wax strip across the right side of my bikini line, covering the right half of my hoo-ha and stretching down to the inside of my butt cheek (it was a long strip) I inhale deeply and brace myself... RRRRIIIPPP!!!!

I'm blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!! OH MY GAWD!!!!!!

Vision returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull off half the strip. CRAP! Another deep breath and RIPP! Everything is spinning and spotted. I think I may pass out... must stay conscious... must stay conscious. Do I hear crashing drums??? Breathe, breathe...OK, back to normal. I want to see my trophy - a wax covered strip, the one that has caused me so much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it. I want to revel in the glory that is my triumph over body hair. I hold up the strip!

There's no hair on it.

Where is the hair??? WHERE IS THE WAX???

Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet. I see the hair. The hair that should be on the strip...it's not! I touch. I am touching wax. I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body, which is now covered in cold wax and matted hair. Then I make the next BIG mistake...remember my foot is still propped upon the toilet? I know I need to do something. So I put my foot down.

Sealed shut! My butt is sealed shut. Sealed shut!

I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to do and think to myself 'Please don't let me get the urge to poop. My head may pop off!' What can I do to melt the wax? Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!! I'll run the hottest water I can stand, into the bathtub, get in, immerse the wax- covered bits and the wax should melt and I can gently wipe it off, right???

* WRONG!!!!! *

I get in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than that used to torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment - I sit. Now, the only thing worse than having your nether regions glued together, is having them glued together and then glued to the bottom of the tub....in scalding hot water. Which, by the way, doesn't melt cold wax. So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub as thought I had cemented myself to the porcelain!! God bless the man who had convinced me a few months ago to have a phone put in the bathroom!!!!! I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed before and has some secret of how to get me undone. It's a very good conversation starter. 'So, my butt and hoo-ha are glued together to the bottom of the tub!' There is a slight pause. She doesn't know any secret tricks for removal but she does try to hide her laughter from me. She wants to know exactly where the wax is located,' Are we talking cheeks or hole or hoo-ha? She's laughing out loud by now...I can hear her. I give her the rundown and she suggests I call the number on the side of the box. YEAH!!!! Right!! I should be the joke of someone else's night. While we go through various solutions. I resort to trying to scrape the wax off with a razor. Nothing feels better then to have your girlie goodies covered in hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot water and then dry-shaving the sticky wax off!! By now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike and I'm pretty sure I'm going to need Post-Traumatic Stress counseling for this event. My friend is still talking with me when I finally see my saving grace....the lotion they give you to remove the excess wax. What do I really have to lose at this point? I rub some on and OH MY GOD!!!!! The scream probably woke the kids and scared the dickens out of my friend. It's sooo painful, but I really don't care. 'IT WORKS!! friend and she hangs up.

I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and the notice to my grief and despair.... THE HAIR IS STILL THE RE.....ALL OF IT! So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I'm numb by now. Nothing hurts. I could have amputated my own leg at this point.

Next week I'm going to try hair colour.

 

OMG. That reminds me of a cartoon where hair wasn't the only thing that got ripped off. She was standing there with her hoo-ha in her hand. [img]i/expressions/face-icon-small-shocked.gif[/img]

 

I don't know <u>what</u> kind of drugs this guy was on.
He may be even worse than me on German beer. [img]i/expressions/beer.gif[/img][img]i/expressions/face-icon-small-happy.gif[/img]

Police in Knoxville, Tenn., arrested Richard Smith, 25, in
September after he called 911 from an air duct in the Knoxville
Museum of Art, and Smith immediately volunteered that he was
"special agent 0-9-3-1" with the "United States Illuminati" and that
he had come to retrieve a nuclear warhead from the Soviet Union
that was concealed in a blue plastic cow in the basement, according
to a report on WBIR-TV. Smith got trapped, he said, after he
received a phone call aborting the mission because the cow was
actually supposed to be in a museum in Memphis. He said he had
entered the Museum of Art by being lowered from a "CH2 Huey"
helicopter, but police basically rejected everything Smith said
except his name.

 

In Anderson Township, Ohio, in July, a frustrated lover, angry that his girlfriend kept falling asleep one night during sex, retaliated, according to police, by attempting to set fire to her van. (The 46-year-old man who couldn't sustain his lover's interest is Gregory Smallwood.)

His small wood couldn't satisfy her. It couldn't even keep her awake. [img]i/expressions/face-icon-small-happy.gif[/img]

 

OSLO - Bernt Aune's transplanted cornea has been in use for a record 123 years - since before the Eiffel Tower was built.

"This is the oldest eye in Norway - I don't know if it's the oldest in the world," Aune, an 80-year-old Norwegian and former ambulance driver, told Reuters by telephone on Thursday. "But my vision's not great any longer."

He had a cornea transplanted into his right eye in 1958 from the body of an elderly man who was born in June 1885. The operation was carried out at Namsos Hospital, mid-Norway.

"I wouldn't be surprised if this is the oldest living organ in the world," eye doctor Hasan Hasanain at Namsos hospital told the Norwegian daily Verdens Gang.

In the 1950s, doctors expected it to work for just five years, Hasanain said. Such cornea operations date back to the early 20th century and were among the first successful transplants.

"It wasn't unusual to use corneas from elderly people who had died," Aune said.

The oldest person who had documents to prove it was France's Jeanne Calment, who was 122 old when she died in 1997, according to the Guinness Book of Records.

The Eiffel Tower was built from 1887 to 1889. U.S. inventor Thomas Edison patented a film camera for motion pictures in 1888.


[img]i/expressions/face-icon-small-confused.gif[/img]