My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, "What's on TV?"

I said, "Dust."


And then the fight started.
__________________________________________________ ________


My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds."

I bought her a scale.

And then the fight started.

__________________________________________________ __________



When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive...

So I took her to a gas station...

And then the fight started.

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After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security.


The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.

The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.

She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me', and she processed my Social Security application.


When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office.

She said, 'You should have dropped your pants.. You might have gotten disability, too.'

And then the fight started.

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My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.

My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'

Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.'

'My God!' says my wife, 'who would think that a person could go on celebrating that long?'


And then the fight started.

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I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car..

You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny?

Yeah, well I couldn't believe it... he was a DWARF!!!

He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, 'I AM NOT HAPPY!'


So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well, then which one are you?'

And then the fight started.


__________________________________________________ __________


My wife and I are watching "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?"

"No," she answered.
I then said, "Is that your final answer?"

She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, "Yes."

So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."

And then the fight started....


__________________________________________________ __________

I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.

'I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please.'


He said, 'Aren't you worried about the mad cow?'


'Nah, she can order for herself.'

And then the fight started ...


__________________________________________________ __________

 

My wife asked me if the dress she had on made her butt look big. I told not as much as the one she had on yesterday did.

And then the fight started.

 

Too funny....

 

True story. One of my buddies and his wife.

Wife. How come you never call me names like, Sweetie, Honey, Babe, or anything like that. You hardly talk to me.

Husband. I love you, Sugarplump.

And then the fight started.

I had tears in my eyes.

 

I told my wife sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer.

And thats when the fight started.

 

hehehe- where do you guys come up with this stuff

 

Hilarious!