I feel your pain and sadness as I have been were you are now [img]i/expressions/face-icon-small-sad.gif[/img]

 

Bigger,

I understand what you are saying. If you feel I've hi-jacked this thread im sorry you feel that way. I agree with you 100%, that we need to support wingnut. However, I do feel that divorce is seldom caused by a simple reason. Certainly, I feel comments saying such at this time are not in support of him, which is why I pointed them out. Playing the blame game now is contridictory to his support. I will support wingnut 100% on this personal issue by pointing out that very thing - what wingnut needs is support, not judgement.

I dont think dabomb03, or a few others are intentionally judging divorce in general, but I can tell you, if you are going through it, comments like those will seem like it. I cant begin to tell you how many emails I have recieved from guys that have been through similar situations as a result of this thread.

I've felt the thread has been pretty balanced. All the way from an amicable style divorce to one that is not. I stand behind my comments, and will even risk public opinion in support of Wingnut. I would like to thank all those, especially Todd, who supported me over 5 years ago.

As far as my situation, Its very good. I have forgiven her for leaving, and I have a good relationship with my kids. I dont feel any animosity towards her whatsoever. But, I can tell you that the most ugly parts of humanity can rear thier ugly head in situations like this, not every time, but it can happen. If I don't warn wingnut of those posibilities, how much of a brother am I?

 

So sorry for what you're going through w1ngnut. Hope all works out for the best.....Nick

 

No problem Mark, I dont feel you are HiJacking this thread, just did'nt want thinkgs between you and dabomb03 to get off corse.

I know your feelings and intensions are %100 percent sincere. I hope that Wingnut can work this problem out, and perhaps his wife will realize just what kind of man she has.



Peace brother!


Bigger.

 

biggerisbetter

Thanks man. It might have gone off course - thanks for keeping me in check.

 

Or maybe he should have realized what kind of women he had.....? It goes both ways. Nobody has heard her side of the story and it's very unlikely we ever will. Even if she left for him for another man there was obviously a reason why she strayed.......

Unless one of us is a certified marriage counselor we really can only give opinions based on our own marriage failures which are about as useful as a dried piece of bread..

 

Oregondunepatrol i feel like ur really jumping down my throat for even opening my mouth. I understand what ur saying there is more then just one problem in most situations. But in this situation which i described is exactly what i said unless my friends parents are lying to everyone and i dout that. When they were around each other they always got along perfectly my friend even told me that so its not like they were putting a show on for guests at the house its just that he was home one day out of the week and doing business related even that day. So i guess these people are just to simplistic and have two brain cells. Which i dout that since the husband is president of a nuclear power plant. These people still get along great and when there together u can barely tell the difference. So i think i can safely say everyones situtation is very different. I also just asked my mother why she wanted a divorce and there was only one reason, cheating. So thats 2 situations i know that have one reason. So i'm sorry you don't agree with what i have to say but it is a forum so you saying that anyone else expect to get a earfull is bs thats what forums are all about. Obviously you have a way things should be and others have theres so just respect other peoples thoughts and don't JUDGE them and say they're wrong. If you don't like them thats fine but don't go off on someone because they are different isn't the what u.s. is all about anyway?

Now that i've said that we should be worried about w1ngnut and helping him out, not badgering others. So once again i hope everything works out the best they can for you w1ngnut.

 

Hi Im new around here and my first day here this was the first thread I read. I wish you the best. I hope that in your situation you take the advice that has been given to you. Get a lawyer just so you know your options. I say talk to your wife. Dont give up you will regret it. Dont play the what if game either it will just break your heart. Women are crazy. I know I am one. I think someone said it already but if you fight dont do it around the kids. Im sure your dont but sometimes you dont even realize kids are around when they are.

 

Welcome to the forum Lindsay. Going off of your handle I would say you need to check out this website if you've not yet done so. Lots of mudslinging going on but most of it is hilarious. Enjoy.

www.valleyofthedirtpeople.com

 

dabomb03

Thats cool. I suppose people can and will say what they want. I think the problem is, while you have clarified what happened to your friends marriage, my point is, there is no point in even speculating. I know its hard for people not to do. After all, if they knew the reason, they could avoid it themselves. This gives us assurance that what we do, wont have the same consequences. The problem with this is that in reality, life is not that predictable. Sure, there are things we can do help avoid problems, but in the end, the other spouse has a right to leave for whatever reason(s) he/she chooses. That does not make it right, but that can and does happen. Further, speculating what happened at the onset of divorce, can be hard for the person getting divorced to hear. For example, if the woman was unhappy, and that was the reason that she gives, then, this can lead to some people thinking (however incorrectly and wrong) that it was the mans fault for not making her happy. Then we start getting into the personal lives as to why he didnt make her happy. To the person getting divorced, this is extremely personal. To have ones life opened up to hundreds of people, all speculating, talking, and then even judging what really happened.

I too made up simple answers when people asked me why I got divorced. Answers that seemed to satisfy people so that they would quit asking me. The problem was, that the really good ones that people accept, were so darn accusing of my ex-wife (to whom I still deeply care about by the way). So, If I said she cheated, well, that would have satisfied everyone. But then that didnt really happen. And its not fair because people would judge her for being a bad woman. Then you end up with back and forth accusations between the parties as to who's fault it was, who did what to who and the reason she cheated.

In the end it would be an interesting exersize; the blame game. But so much time was taken in this effort, very few actually stood by and simply listened, and accepted what happened to tried to help all parties get through it.

I've often wondered what would have helped me out 5 years ago. I've come to the conclusion that if someone said, " I dont know what happened, and I dont know what caused this - But I am here for you if you need to talk. I can help you with logistics, finding a lawyer, etc etc. Let me know what I can do". That would have been a wonderfull thing to hear.

Probably the last thing a person wants to hear in a situation like that is, "well my parents got divorced because my dad cheated on my mom", or "My dad left because she wasnt making enough money". Even if those things were true, Its too easy to take that next step, and ask, "is this what happened to you?" - The point is, it does not matter -

I've learned to tell people simply that my marriage didnt work out and and now everyone is happier. Thats a true statement, and its one that people tend to partially accept. But in the end, even the professional marriage councelors we saw for three years dont know exactly why the marriage failed. It's true for jet airline crashes, and marriages - there is seldom one cause for the crash, its usually a combination of things. But the combination is harder to explain, and also harder for people to accept. In the end, there's a lot of people speculating and a lot of people hurt that need help.

Its funny, there's a lot of things that can prepare a person for marriage, but there is hardly anything that prepares a person for divorce. Yet most of them end in one.