Well the title says it all! Come up with any jokes, one liners, or ANYTHING funny! Try to be a comedian if you have to. But keep it appropriate enough so the mods don't frown and delete this thread. I don't have any jokes on my mind now but I'll post something some time....... I guarentee my friend BALLS2THEWALLS will post some funny $hit though!!!! SO....... LET 'ER RIP!!!![img]i/expressions/face-icon-small-happy.gif[/img]

 

Well PUSHINGTHELIMIT said that I could come up with some funny stuff so I will try my best with some thoughts i have somtimes.......I believe in making the world safe for our children, but not our children's children, because I don't think children should be having sex [img]i/expressions/face-icon-small-happy.gif[/img]

 

A Chicano named Rodriquez went to his doctor to determine the source of his

sickness. The doctor, after a lengthy examination, sighed and looked

Rodriquez in the eye and said," I've got some bad news for you. You have

cancer, and it's very bad. You'd best put your affairs in order." Rodriquez

was shocked and saddened. But, being of solid character, he managed to

compose himself and walk from the doctor's office into the waiting room.



To his son who had been waiting, Rodriquez said, "Well son, we Chicanos

celebrate when things are good, and we celebrate when things don't go so

well. In this case, things aren't so well. I have cancer. Let's head for the

bar and have a few beers."



After 3 or 4 beers, the two were feeling a little less somber. There were

some laughs and more beers. They were eventually approached by some of

Rodriquez's old friends who asked what the two were celebrating. Rodriquez

told them that Chicanos celebrate the good and the bad. He went on to tell

them that they were drinking to his impending end.



He told his friends, "I have been diagnosed with AIDS."

His son's eyebrows raised and he opened his mouth, but Rodriquez raised his

finger and the frown on his face stifled what his son had planned to say.

The friends gave Rodriquez their condolences, and they had a couple more

beers.



After his friends left, Rodriquez's son leaned over and whispered his

confusion. "Dad, I thought you said that you were dying from cancer? You

just told your friends that you were dying from AIDS!"



Rodriquez said, "I don't want any of them sleeping with your mother after

I'm gone."

 

Funny Diaz,
I have one but I am not a chauvanist, its just funny, sorry ladies:

Why do women wear make up and perfume?




Because they stink and the're ugly!

 

One of my faves for some odd reason....


A termite walks into a bar and asks "Is the bartender here?"

It's much better when you don't have to spell it out..... [img]i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif[/img]

 

Okay here goes.

There is 2 woodpeckers sitting in a tree talking, one from California, and the other from Hawaii.

The Hawaiian woodpecker says that there is a tree in Hawaii that no other Hawaiian woodpecker could peck through. So the Californian woodpecker says lets go try.

So they fly there and the Californian woodpecker pecks right through it no problem.

So the Californian says the same thing about a tree in California, and the Hawaiian says lets go try it out.

So they fly to California and just like that the Hawaiian woodpecker pecks right through it.

Both birds sitting in the tree stumped came to a conclusion about this little problem.





The conclusion is: When you are away from home your pecker is always harder

 

lol, keep 'em comming guys.

 

Sometimes when I look back on all the beer I drink I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, 'It is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than to be selfish and worry about my liver.[img]i/expressions/face-icon-small-confused.gif[/img]

 

A little girl goes to the barbershop with her father. She stands next to the barber chair, while her dad gets his hair cut, eating a snack cake. The barber says to her, "Sweetheart, you're gonna get hair on your twinkie."She says, "Yes, and I'm gonna get ***** too."
Jerico1

 

Once there was a liitle boy in church. He had to go to the bathroom so he told his mother, ''Mommy, I have to ****.''
The mother said, ''Son don't say **** in church. Next time you have to ****, say, 'whisper' because it is more polite.

The next Sunday, the litle boy was sitting by his father this time, and once again, he had to go to the bathroom.

He told his father, ''Daddy I have to whisper.''

The father said, ''OK. Here, whisper in my ear.''